Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Killing Me Softly with His Song, was composed by Charles Fox and Norman Gimbal with Lori Lieberman first recording the classic song in 1971. Since then it’s been covered many times. I present to you the 5 best and worst versions.
1. Roberta Flack – she put the song on the map, great voice, soulful, beautiful.
2. Perry Como – that’s right, Perry’s version is unique. Thanks P-dawg!
3. Luther Vandross – I almost put this on the worst list but Luther went for it and actually sang the feminine version, which takes balls. RIP Luther.
4. Emad Hamdy – who says you have to sing? Emad didn’t and he nailed it. Plus he has killer sideburns.
5. Dee Dee Bridgewater – similar to Roberta’s but different. Do you think her real name is simply Dee but one of her parents had a stuttering problem?
1. Fugees – Lauren Hill has a great voice and alone she would’ve made the best list, however Wyclef Jean was a member of the Fugees and he ruined it. In fact I hear that’s the reason Wyclef got shot in the hand.
2. Engelbert Humperdinck – we at WDCSD appreciate Engelbert’s talent just not this time.
3. Cleo Laine – umm, no.
4. Anne Murray – the great Canadian singer doesn’t quite interpret the song correctly.
5. Electric Coconut – the Moog Synthesizer didn’t work and put against this weird Japanese flick called Zero Woman it's something that would make a car salesmen’s acid trip turn bad in a hurry.
Note: I’m sure the great Mel Torme covered it but I couldn’t find a video.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Sammy says he couldn’t explain his abduction for a long time because he didn’t understand technology “but now I’m pretty sure it was a wireless situation.”
He also said David Lee Roth is a dick. But if there's ever a chest hair competition, David wins.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
A guy at the office (Okay the bum that gave me 11 dollars to sleep in my van instead of dying in the freezing weather) kept going on and on about the end of the world and how China was the 200 million man army described in Revelations (A book in the bible, I Google searched Revelations, it's in there ) Shit I always thought it was an Iron Maiden song. Google searching is awesome, I came across this TOOL that has ACTUAL proof of armies of satin gathering in China and Russia, The Trumpet wars. Ken Raggio will teach you all about the end of the world, I am guessing after you sign up you can "help" him spread the word.
Men's Health has an article on having sex with your old girlfriend using Facebook to plan your hookup. Glad Men's Health took time off it's classy top 10 bulging bicep exercises that women like, top 10 reason why your boner doesn't work and other important things to encourage cheating.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
I don’t think I’ll ever know what drugs car salesmen do, but I’m pretty sure some of them smoke menthol cigarettes. And for those of you that are Kool and smoke Newport cigs you better start hoarding your ciggy’s because that’s exactly what your outdoor smoking buddies are doing.
Although smoking menthol cigs doesn’t fuck you up any more than smoking regular cigarettes the FDA still wants to ban them. Why? Because they say that banning menthol cigarettes is good for public health. Hmm, what about banning all cigarettes? Then banning chewing tobacco. Then alcohol. Then sugar. Then television. Then Adam Sandler movies. Yeah, that makes sense.
Of course Alex Bogusky will happily support banning everything… except fast food. Oh, above is a photo of Alex channeling his inner John Denver. One thing you should know, Alex, John Denver was a hard working, talented musician who will always be remembered. Alex will be remembered as a hypocritical douchebag. Or a sociopath.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Nate Dogg, may you rest in peace.
Most media outlets are praising Nate Dogg’s contributions to the world of hip hop and R & B. We at WDCSD do not agree. We think he made contributions to the whole fucking world of music. Nate Dogg created, most people don’t do shit.
The Verizon cable guy came over to do an installation last year and as usual it was supposed to take a half hour… it took 6 fucking hours. But Carlos, the cable guy, was cool. See most of the time Carlos and I were just waiting for the assholes back at the Verizon headquarters to answer a few simple questions he had. While waiting we started talking and Carlos told me he knew Nate Dogg and that he was the coolest celeb cable install he’s ever done. So I immediately put in a CD that featured Nate Dogg. Carlos immediately produced a nice fat blunt. We smoked and listened to some sweet music while waiting for the Verizon man to pull his head out of his ass. So, thanks for the blunt, Nate Dogg.
Monday, March 14, 2011
For a guy that had such an impact on history that little fucker never seems to go away.
An article has some pictures of his babe Eva in a row boat. The thing about Hitler is he got a lot of good people to follow him and his evil ways. The best example of this is a radio host for ESPN, the corporate shill, Colin Cowherd. There is no doubt that prick would be a Nazi. If his boss came in and said, "Meet your new boss, Mr. Hitler." Colin would be on board in a second, after all he is the boss and if you can't be first be interesting. Hitler was first and interesting so on your knees and bow to the boss.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
According to Academics at the Tepper School of Business at Carnegie Mellon University have estimated that the revelations of ace golfer Tiger Woods’ two balls cost Nike, his main sponsor, the loss of . Bigger than that, bigger than the millions and billions of dollars the biggest fuck up was the gorgeous wife he was tapping is gone and has a shit load of his money. There isn't 1000 waitresses or hostesses that will ever erase the fact you lost all that money. The money is gone and it will eat at you everyday and for the rest of your life. So fuck away Tiger.
thinking it holds any weight that some no name marathoner goes Morgan Spurlock.
This guy Joe D'Amico is going to eat pancakes, burgers and fries before his next "Race" and TOPNEWS gave him an article on this tired theme.
In 1998 after robbing a Subway, I cut off my jeans and went shirtless, ran with a pack of fat ladies that walked/jogged the Portland Marathon and with cops everywhere I managed to escape the law with a time of 4 hours and 27 seconds. Faster than Oprah, faster than Freddie Prinze Jr., faster than David Lee Roth, faster than Mario Lopez and the dozens of celebrities who call themselves MARATHONERS.
We here at WDCSD hate marathoners.
You run a 10K every weekend we love you.
We at WDCSD do not agree with him. We think Burger King is ugly and Burger King’s food is terrible. I think Bernardo is doing whatever drugs car salesmen do. I wonder what Bernardo thinks of his customers from Oakland, California?
And now, an educational video.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I don’t usually review movies because it’s not worth my time but I’m a friendly sort of fella and I don’t want you to waste your time with this piece of shit movie. It’s called Catfish. There is some debate whether it is or isn’t a documentary but does it really matter when the film is completely mind-numbing? But I’ll end the debate, it isn’t a documentary.
I will, however, give the marketing team some credit for making the trailer look like some sort of thriller/horror type film. It isn’t.
There was one funny part of the movie. The boring dipshit the “docu” follows around is Nev Schulman and he has a lower back tattoo. He says that he got it when he was “17 and regrets it everyday”, but had no problem showing it off in the phony, boring film. You know, if you’re some unfortunate dude who got caught up in the tattoo craze in the early 90’s and got a lower back tattoo before you knew only tramps get that stamp, then I’ll give you a pass. But this Nev idiot got his somewhere around 2005. No excuse. And even less excuse to make a boring documentary.
Friday, March 11, 2011
when they use the iPad for reading. No shit! My freaking email alerts for
Victor & Spoils alone sounds like a casino...DING DING DING DING DING DING add my alerts for shirtless man arrested, plungers, the shocker, meat accident, meat, processed meat and my iPad sounds like the start of an Aldo Nova song. I can't concentrate.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
You see, old Phil wanted to perform at the legendary Fair in Roseburg, Oregon but he got rejected. They didn’t think he was up to snuff and told him they’d rather see if The Scorpions or Little River Band or Loverboy or Kenny Loggins or Alice Cooper or Ted Nugent or Diamond Rio or Billy Idol were available. Surprisingly most of them were.
Phil said he has hearing problems, nerve damage in his hands and a bad back – all because he’s was a drummer. I asked Jack Haynes, 68, who works at the local landfill and lifts heavy shit over his head on a daily basis and has done so since he was 18 years old (that’s fucking 40 years) and Jack said this, “Phil Collins is a pussy, but for some reason I liked the song Sussudio.” The next day, when his coworkers found out Jack liked that song, he was ‘accidentally’ run over by a backhoe.Peter Gabriel even called Phil a pussy.
He reminds of of something really important. Wash your ass.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I was fertilizing my roses with some kick ass mother fucking deadly chemicals that make those roses bloom like a mother fucker when I notice my neighbor leave for the Dollar Store to buy his FRS Energy drinks. I think he’s an athlete, maybe even plays for the Lakers.
Anyway, he left his garage door open and since I’m a good neighbor I went into his house to steal something. As soon as I walk in, holy fucking shit, I smelled the sweetest smell in the world. Better than cotton candy, even better than cheese from a cheese pump if you can believe that. What I smelled was BEEF BRISKET slow cooking in a crock-pot.
Knowing he’ll be at the Dollar Store for at least an hour I snoop around and find exactly what I need to get the brisket back to my house and feast – a giant zip-loc bag and a six ice cold Stella Artiois beers. (btw, that Stella Superbowl commercial sucked)
I have the 6-pack of Stella in one hand and the brisket zip locked in the other hand and can’t wait to chow down when that fucking goofy looking Laker pulls into his driveway. Fuck! He didn’t go to the Dollar Store, he picked up a hooker or his girlfriend, I can’t tell the difference. I jump behind his couch the same time he and gf/hooker walk in. They immediately start watching TV. I’m thinking two things; One – thank god he didn’t check his crock-pot. Two – why are they watching TV and not fucking in one of his 12 rooms. I mean, shit man, this guy’s house is huge and he has to sit on the same couch I’m hiding behind? Asshole. I’m rooting for the Clippers now.
I’m dying behind the couch because that brisket looks and smells so good, then it hits me. I have a fucking cell phone. So I give him a call and tell him his girlfriend just pulled into his driveway. I guessed the chick was a hooker and I guessed right! He hides the hooker upstairs and while he’s up there I slip out of his fucking mansion faster than shit.
I make it home, quickly drink two beers because that’s the proper way to prepare for potentially great beef brisket, then I slice off a piece of brisket and guess what - The. Best. Beef. Brisket. Ever. He’s the Banksy of crock-potting. I immediately get the beef sweats, and that only happens when I eat great mother fucking beef. I also decide to keep rooting for the Lakers.
"Despite all safety precautions there was an unforeseen tragic accident at our plant," Brian Coelho, general manager of the plant, said in a prepared statement. "The circumstances are being fully investigated." The Associated Press March 1, 2011
First off Brian, your company makes you look like a dick. Does a guy like you have a Facebook page? What was your status update that day? "Rough Day at Work" Way to show some compassion. But you have had mishaps previous to this. Seems to me the $1000 dollar fine you had to pay was a little steep. Yes it happened again. A meat grinder death in California. I believe this is the first senior citizen that has died by the teeth of a industrial meat mincer. Leopoldo Gutierrez was 72 years old. A fucking 72 year old man working at a meat grinding plant in California? Stay classy Central Valley Meat Co. (checking for web site now)
No website? Strange I thought MUTT would come up with some catch slogan for meat. insert music a smiling illegal and then some cheesy voice over. Anyway Central Valley Meat Company has a job opening if your entering your twilight years of life and are looking for some additional income.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Remember, no blogging in prison. The sentence for stealing a horse in Walla Walla Washington is 5 years. Fucking great to be out! I plan on crowdsourcing my cock at a whore house tonight.