Barry Bonds and his Tiny Balls (update)

Quick update on a story Rip Salsa covered.

The Federal Government has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that Barry Bonds’ balls have withered away to the point that grains of sand are laughing at him. Now he will be locked away from society for jacking too many home runs while jacked up on roids.

Barry Bonds, menace to society.

Anyone else really excited about humanized cow milk?

Rip Salsa will get depressed from time to time, long nights in the Concrete Mamma, early morning sex that doesn't last as long as I would like and deflated fun bags are just a few things that bring me down. I was doing my daily Google Alerts and felt a little creepy reading the one about scientist making a milk cow produce humanized milk, milk for babies and freaks that get off on some mommy complex. The first thought wasn't this is a great thing for humanity, nope, it was NO MORE DEFLATED FUN BAGS! The task of mothering a child and breast feeding has some consequences that are sometimes not too obvious to all. Before I met Carla, the love of my life, I would hang out at Patrick Malloy's in Hermosa Beach and pick up on the Agers (Older but still hanging out at the bar). I met a beautiful woman named Beth and we hit it off like most women who just met a guy they were willing to sleep with. We finished with the informal background checks, she realized she wouldn't be chopped into pieces and dumped in the pier, I realized I wouldn't be stalked and my house burned down with me naked, a belt around my neck in a murder-suicide.
She was beautiful, except she had deflated breasts from her 3 children, after making sweet love she started crying because of how she felt about her breasts. I made her feel better and said they really were beautiful breasts and she should go to one of those feel good doctors that work on building up peoples self esteem. I never saw her again.
I know this HUMANIZED MILK PROJECT wasn't started for the good of man, it was started because some poor scientist has a wife at home whose breast just aren't the same as when they got married. Rip Salsa still thinks this is a really bad idea! Freaky ass shit that has some unknown effect that can be talked away in the short term by the profit takers. You wont find those same profit takers when an army of zombies is formed by some freaky mutation caused by humanized cow milk. Stick to formula and breast pumps.

Video Proof That Barry's Balls Got Smaller

The Barry Bonds trial on perjury must be a little embarrassing for the former major leaguer. Adult acne, Impotence and our favorite... shrinking balls. The mistress who reported this fact during the trial has video proof of shrinking balls on Youtube and at One minute and twenty-one seconds (1:21) you actually see Barry's marbles lose size. It is an amazing time lapse video.

Who wouldn't threaten a mistress with a beheading if you ever tell the world that your balls take on a strange shape?

Do you ever get sick of the guys and gals that tell you Revelations are upon us

A guy at the office (Okay the bum that gave me 11 dollars to sleep in my van instead of dying in the freezing weather) kept going on and on about the end of the world and how China was the 200 million man army described in Revelations (A book in the bible, I Google searched Revelations, it's in there ) Shit I always thought it was an Iron Maiden song. Google searching is awesome, I came across this TOOL that has ACTUAL proof of armies of satin gathering in China and Russia, The Trumpet wars. Ken Raggio will teach you all about the end of the world, I am guessing after you sign up you can "help" him spread the word.

Click on the link and you can send all your buddies mini bibles. I love guys that study the bible harder than everyone else. I will bet the farm that Gary at Walla Walla, where I spent two miserable years among killers and sick fuckers, can find more time in a book than anywhere else. I guess someone attempting to slit your throat brings you closer to God. If you have a lifetime to read, you read stuff over and over and over and over.

I just can't follow a guy that makes shitty videos in his manufactured home.

Let the spin begin CP+B and BK split

I was going to mention the split. Just Google Search it.

Thank goodness all things cool come and go.

One of my cell mates had a picture of Twiggy up on the wall.

I asked him who the hell is that? He choked me out and I died for at least 4 minutes.

COACH KILLER

With that guy Charlie in the news let's not forget Tiger Woods is a dumb ass.

According to Academics at the Tepper School of Business at Carnegie Mellon University have estimated that the revelations of ace golfer Tiger Woods’ two balls cost Nike, his main sponsor, the loss of 105,000 golf ball sales. Bigger than that, bigger than the millions and billions of dollars the biggest fuck up was the gorgeous wife he was tapping is gone and has a shit load of his money. There isn't 1000 waitresses or hostesses that will ever erase the fact you lost all that money. The money is gone and it will eat at you everyday and for the rest of your life. So fuck away Tiger.

I know about hot ass babes because I keep mine, she picked me up in my Vega at the Walla Walla/Washington State Penitentiary after two years of waiting. I don't need a video of me staring and James Earl Jones asking me hard questions. Who the hell does that? Todd Pendleton and WK.com is my guess.

Being in prison I am a little behind say 8 or 9 months so this is a little late and a little lame but I just can't tell you how much I think Tiger is such a dumb ass.

Rip Salsa is out of prison

Out for good behavior two years early! The day I left the Washington State Penitentiary a corrections officer was stabbed in the face, many years before on the same day Babe Ruth signed a contract for 70 grand over three years, Tab Hunter released the greatest song EVER and Crispin Porter & Bogusky sent out another self promotional viral video. What? That happens everyday? Next up is to find a job or some quick cash for a Mac book and grow a really shitty beard. I plan on hanging out in coffee shops. Wait for a hippie smelling chick desiring a "bad boy" move into her apartment allowing me to move out of this van I bought from a suspected serial killer.
Remember, no blogging in prison. The sentence for stealing a horse in Walla Walla Washington is 5 years. Fucking great to be out! I plan on crowdsourcing my cock at a whore house tonight.