Happy Meals are safe again! Oh happy days

Some lady named Monet tried to sue McDonald's because her "fat"(guessing) kids wouldn't stop bothering her.

A "fat" (just guessing) lady and some "fat"(again, just guessing) kid's lawsuit was dismissed. She claimed McDonald's advertising violates California Consumer protection laws. She was wrong.

She was represented by the Center for Science in the Public Interest. McDondald's was represented by the law firm Hava Fukin Klue.

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Anyone else really excited about humanized cow milk?

Rip Salsa will get depressed from time to time, long nights in the Concrete Mamma, early morning sex that doesn't last as long as I would like and deflated fun bags are just a few things that bring me down. I was doing my daily Google Alerts and felt a little creepy reading the one about scientist making a milk cow produce humanized milk, milk for babies and freaks that get off on some mommy complex. The first thought wasn't this is a great thing for humanity, nope, it was NO MORE DEFLATED FUN BAGS! The task of mothering a child and breast feeding has some consequences that are sometimes not too obvious to all. Before I met Carla, the love of my life, I would hang out at Patrick Malloy's in Hermosa Beach and pick up on the Agers (Older but still hanging out at the bar). I met a beautiful woman named Beth and we hit it off like most women who just met a guy they were willing to sleep with. We finished with the informal background checks, she realized she wouldn't be chopped into pieces and dumped in the pier, I realized I wouldn't be stalked and my house burned down with me naked, a belt around my neck in a murder-suicide.
She was beautiful, except she had deflated breasts from her 3 children, after making sweet love she started crying because of how she felt about her breasts. I made her feel better and said they really were beautiful breasts and she should go to one of those feel good doctors that work on building up peoples self esteem. I never saw her again.
I know this HUMANIZED MILK PROJECT wasn't started for the good of man, it was started because some poor scientist has a wife at home whose breast just aren't the same as when they got married. Rip Salsa still thinks this is a really bad idea! Freaky ass shit that has some unknown effect that can be talked away in the short term by the profit takers. You wont find those same profit takers when an army of zombies is formed by some freaky mutation caused by humanized cow milk. Stick to formula and breast pumps.

Walking Briskly + Slow Jogger = Me Feeling Guilty? Fuck That!

They fly me out to NYC all the time. Why? Because I’m important. Now that you know I’m important you should also know I’m a brisk walker. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Eder Sanchez, the great Mexican race walker, but I don’t dally when I’m walking from point A to point B.

I was walking through Central Park a few weeks ago, making my way to a kick ass hot dog stand, and it fucking happened to me, it always fucking happens to me and it pisses me off. I catch up to some asshole who’s running slower than I’m walking. There’s no God damn, mother fucking reason anybody should be running slower than I’m walking.

Now this is where I’m weak. I don’t pass the slow runners, I just start walking slower. I don’t want to pass them and feel guilty, like I’ll make them feel bad or some shit like that. But they should feel bad because they’re making a mockery of real runners, like Oprah or the McDonalds LA marathon guy.

If you’re running that slow and you’re too stupid to simply walk, or even take up swimming, then fuck you… right? Fuck! Why do I need reassurance for this? I’m ruthless in all areas of my life. I steal from my neighbor for Christ sake. Fuck it, next time it happens I’m confronting the slow runner. I’ll step in front of them and start walking backwards, so they don’t have to run any fucking slower, and I’ll applaud them for exercising then tell them they look like an asshole. I’m sure they’ll thank me one day. Even better, if you’re running and someone walking passes you, then stop fucking running. Simple.

Man gets foot stuck in meat grinder

This isn't in the top 10 of meat grinding accidents but worth mentioning.

A man on the cleaning crew of a Leetsdale, PA meat processing plant slipped while cleaning a machine that was turned off and got his foot stuck in the gears. I am guessing it won't be a sequel to 172 Hours. James Franco's agent said his schedule is packed. I put in a call to Val Kilmer's agent and she declined comment.

The man was stuck in the grinder all night because his normal partner called in sick and he was working alone. I could only imagine the thoughts going through his head. "Please check the grinder before you turn it on" or "Don't fall asleep" or "What would my foot taste like?"

Industrial food processing rules!

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March is Colon awareness month

I hope you didn't misread the title and thought it was Colin Cowherd awareness month.

This is something serious and even though assholes are involved it isn't about Colin Cowherd.

As Rip's family was awakened one afternoon in 2000 to Katie Couric's artful and brave live colonoscopy. She alone increased colon cancer screening by numbers that made a few doctors really really rich.

WDCSD staff member Art Banks was most likely saved by Katie. Art is our television critic who spends a lot of time sitting on his ass and doing as little as possible.

A ripple effect occurred after Katie's gesture and other celebrities joined in, specificly Richard Gere. This video solved one of the most recognized URBAN LEGENDS EVER. We would like to thank Richard personally for his courageous act.

Enjoy the Richard Gere colonoscopy video.

A Meat slick on Illinois Hwy

Parts is Parts

A meat spill was cleaned up on an Illinois hwy when a truck hauling "Reused animal rendering material" overturned. The spill was cleaned up by Cargill even though they said "It wasn't our fault" They headed out with a little Tide detergent and some cold water and made the road drivable again. The load was intended to be used as an ingredient in pet food. One of the workers got Kirstie Alley and Val Kilmer's autographs when they thought the smell was a road side taco vendor instead of a meat spill

British Women Are Not Ugly

The King of Burger King, Bernardo Hees, thinks British women are ugly and England’s food is terrible.

We at WDCSD do not agree with him. We think Burger King is ugly and Burger King’s food is terrible. I think Bernardo is doing whatever drugs car salesmen do. I wonder what Bernardo thinks of his customers from Oakland, California?

And now, an educational video.

Beef Sweats

I was fertilizing my roses with some kick ass mother fucking deadly chemicals that make those roses bloom like a mother fucker when I notice my neighbor leave for the Dollar Store to buy his FRS Energy drinks. I think he’s an athlete, maybe even plays for the Lakers.

Anyway, he left his garage door open and since I’m a good neighbor I went into his house to steal something. As soon as I walk in, holy fucking shit, I smelled the sweetest smell in the world. Better than cotton candy, even better than cheese from a cheese pump if you can believe that. What I smelled was BEEF BRISKET slow cooking in a crock-pot.

Knowing he’ll be at the Dollar Store for at least an hour I snoop around and find exactly what I need to get the brisket back to my house and feast – a giant zip-loc bag and a six ice cold Stella Artiois beers. (btw, that Stella Superbowl commercial sucked)

I have the 6-pack of Stella in one hand and the brisket zip locked in the other hand and can’t wait to chow down when that fucking goofy looking Laker pulls into his driveway. Fuck! He didn’t go to the Dollar Store, he picked up a hooker or his girlfriend, I can’t tell the difference. I jump behind his couch the same time he and gf/hooker walk in. They immediately start watching TV. I’m thinking two things; One – thank god he didn’t check his crock-pot. Two – why are they watching TV and not fucking in one of his 12 rooms. I mean, shit man, this guy’s house is huge and he has to sit on the same couch I’m hiding behind? Asshole. I’m rooting for the Clippers now.

I’m dying behind the couch because that brisket looks and smells so good, then it hits me. I have a fucking cell phone. So I give him a call and tell him his girlfriend just pulled into his driveway. I guessed the chick was a hooker and I guessed right! He hides the hooker upstairs and while he’s up there I slip out of his fucking mansion faster than shit.

I make it home, quickly drink two beers because that’s the proper way to prepare for potentially great beef brisket, then I slice off a piece of brisket and guess what - The. Best. Beef. Brisket. Ever. He’s the Banksy of crock-potting. I immediately get the beef sweats, and that only happens when I eat great mother fucking beef. I also decide to keep rooting for the Lakers.

MEAT GRINDER MISHAP

"Despite all safety precautions there was an unforeseen tragic accident at our plant," Brian Coelho, general manager of the plant, said in a prepared statement. "The circumstances are being fully investigated." The Associated Press March 1, 2011
First off Brian, your company makes you look like a dick. Does a guy like you have a Facebook page? What was your status update that day? "Rough Day at Work" Way to show some compassion. But you have had mishaps previous to this. Seems to me the $1000 dollar fine you had to pay was a little steep. Yes it happened again. A meat grinder death in California. I believe this is the first senior citizen that has died by the teeth of a industrial meat mincer. Leopoldo Gutierrez was 72 years old. A fucking 72 year old man working at a meat grinding plant in California? Stay classy Central Valley Meat Co. (checking for web site now)
No website? Strange I thought MUTT would come up with some catch slogan for meat. insert music a smiling illegal and then some cheesy voice over. Anyway Central Valley Meat Company has a job opening if your entering your twilight years of life and are looking for some additional income.