Happy Meals are safe again! Oh happy days

Some lady named Monet tried to sue McDonald's because her "fat"(guessing) kids wouldn't stop bothering her.

A "fat" (just guessing) lady and some "fat"(again, just guessing) kid's lawsuit was dismissed. She claimed McDonald's advertising violates California Consumer protection laws. She was wrong.

She was represented by the Center for Science in the Public Interest. McDondald's was represented by the law firm Hava Fukin Klue.

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Feral Chickens Will Save the World

Those of us lucky enough to survive the apocalypse will undoubtedly head to New Orleans. Why? The feral chickens, of course. Do you think a bunch of feral cows could survive the apocalypse let alone thrive in post-apocalyptic conditions? Hell no. But chickens, they’re resilient, smarter than you think. And it's the chicken that will save mankind.

Tonight, when you’re at the dinner table feasting on a factory chicken, raise your glass to the feral chicken. For it is the feral chicken that will be worshipped… or maybe it’ll be the man that finds the feral chicken that will be praised. Only time will tell.

Anyone else really excited about humanized cow milk?

Rip Salsa will get depressed from time to time, long nights in the Concrete Mamma, early morning sex that doesn't last as long as I would like and deflated fun bags are just a few things that bring me down. I was doing my daily Google Alerts and felt a little creepy reading the one about scientist making a milk cow produce humanized milk, milk for babies and freaks that get off on some mommy complex. The first thought wasn't this is a great thing for humanity, nope, it was NO MORE DEFLATED FUN BAGS! The task of mothering a child and breast feeding has some consequences that are sometimes not too obvious to all. Before I met Carla, the love of my life, I would hang out at Patrick Malloy's in Hermosa Beach and pick up on the Agers (Older but still hanging out at the bar). I met a beautiful woman named Beth and we hit it off like most women who just met a guy they were willing to sleep with. We finished with the informal background checks, she realized she wouldn't be chopped into pieces and dumped in the pier, I realized I wouldn't be stalked and my house burned down with me naked, a belt around my neck in a murder-suicide.
She was beautiful, except she had deflated breasts from her 3 children, after making sweet love she started crying because of how she felt about her breasts. I made her feel better and said they really were beautiful breasts and she should go to one of those feel good doctors that work on building up peoples self esteem. I never saw her again.
I know this HUMANIZED MILK PROJECT wasn't started for the good of man, it was started because some poor scientist has a wife at home whose breast just aren't the same as when they got married. Rip Salsa still thinks this is a really bad idea! Freaky ass shit that has some unknown effect that can be talked away in the short term by the profit takers. You wont find those same profit takers when an army of zombies is formed by some freaky mutation caused by humanized cow milk. Stick to formula and breast pumps.

Rip Salsa was wrong. The McDonald's marathoner was an athlete.

I haven't been wrong since suggesting Al Gore wear a beard but I was wrong about the McDonald's Marathoner. We here at Whatever Drugs Car Salesmen Do hate marathoners, not for the extreme training or the miles and miles to ready yourself and not just a hate for the reason of hating. We hate it for the fatso, pseudo-runners that do it as a life changing event or want to prove a point. The rich lady with her own network is the best example of the whole, "I ran a marathon and no one can take that away from me."

Back to me being wrong, more wrong than Seth Godin picking All Marketers are Liars for the title of a book, more wrong than mouthing off to a Utah Cop.

I was blasting Joe D'Amico for being like Morgan Spurlock in nut hugging shorts, eating at McDonald's while training for a marathon. This cat ran a sub 3 hour Marathon, 2 hours 36 minutes and 14 seconds. Joe D'Amico is an athlete. Sub 6 minute miles for 26.2 miles is a man. Once high on coke and nutmeg I ran 14 minutes at that pace being chased the three headed guard of Hades, Cerberus, and my heart exploded.

Joe, WDCSD is sorry and punch me in the balls next time you see me in the same marathon, I am the one in a NASA diaper.

Woman falls off shitter at McDonald's and you'll never guess who is getting sued

This time it isn't boiling coffee scalding your nuts, McDonald's made you fat, Grease Tax, Finger in the fries or anything regarding your food. It was the shitter that got McDonald's sued. Some fat ass broad, Cherry Hardie, (Just guessing she is fat as a house because it's the fat broads that bust my toilet) fell off the toilet seat in a Chicago area McDonald's reaching for paper. She hurt her arm and shoulder and is claiming she is disabled because of the ordeal. Words used by her obviously fat lawyer were "Severe shock to her nervous system" and "$30,000" pay it and waddle away.

'Cause it is all about the delicious choices.

Marathoner to eat fast food.

Believe me being a marathoner has nothing to do with being an athlete. Being an Olympic marathoner is something different than being an ordinary marathoner. I eat every day but Joey Chestnut is a professional. Combining Joey Chestnut and Pheidippides is an awesome combination to be sure but don't get carried away
thinking it holds any weight that some no name marathoner goes Morgan Spurlock.
This guy Joe D'Amico is going to eat pancakes, burgers and fries before his next "Race" and TOPNEWS gave him an article on this tired theme.
In 1998 after robbing a Subway, I cut off my jeans and went shirtless, ran with a pack of fat ladies that walked/jogged the Portland Marathon and with cops everywhere I managed to escape the law with a time of 4 hours and 27 seconds. Faster than Oprah, faster than Freddie Prinze Jr., faster than David Lee Roth, faster than Mario Lopez and the dozens of celebrities who call themselves MARATHONERS.
We here at WDCSD hate marathoners.
You run a 10K every weekend we love you.

Catfish Movie Review

I don’t usually review movies because it’s not worth my time but I’m a friendly sort of fella and I don’t want you to waste your time with this piece of shit movie. It’s called Catfish. There is some debate whether it is or isn’t a documentary but does it really matter when the film is completely mind-numbing? But I’ll end the debate, it isn’t a documentary.

I will, however, give the marketing team some credit for making the trailer look like some sort of thriller/horror type film. It isn’t.

There was one funny part of the movie. The boring dipshit the “docu” follows around is Nev Schulman and he has a lower back tattoo. He says that he got it when he was “17 and regrets it everyday”, but had no problem showing it off in the phony, boring film. You know, if you’re some unfortunate dude who got caught up in the tattoo craze in the early 90’s and got a lower back tattoo before you knew only tramps get that stamp, then I’ll give you a pass. But this Nev idiot got his somewhere around 2005. No excuse. And even less excuse to make a boring documentary.

Hell, Ryan Kutscher even took his sunglasses off to laughed.

Beef Sweats

I was fertilizing my roses with some kick ass mother fucking deadly chemicals that make those roses bloom like a mother fucker when I notice my neighbor leave for the Dollar Store to buy his FRS Energy drinks. I think he’s an athlete, maybe even plays for the Lakers.

Anyway, he left his garage door open and since I’m a good neighbor I went into his house to steal something. As soon as I walk in, holy fucking shit, I smelled the sweetest smell in the world. Better than cotton candy, even better than cheese from a cheese pump if you can believe that. What I smelled was BEEF BRISKET slow cooking in a crock-pot.

Knowing he’ll be at the Dollar Store for at least an hour I snoop around and find exactly what I need to get the brisket back to my house and feast – a giant zip-loc bag and a six ice cold Stella Artiois beers. (btw, that Stella Superbowl commercial sucked)

I have the 6-pack of Stella in one hand and the brisket zip locked in the other hand and can’t wait to chow down when that fucking goofy looking Laker pulls into his driveway. Fuck! He didn’t go to the Dollar Store, he picked up a hooker or his girlfriend, I can’t tell the difference. I jump behind his couch the same time he and gf/hooker walk in. They immediately start watching TV. I’m thinking two things; One – thank god he didn’t check his crock-pot. Two – why are they watching TV and not fucking in one of his 12 rooms. I mean, shit man, this guy’s house is huge and he has to sit on the same couch I’m hiding behind? Asshole. I’m rooting for the Clippers now.

I’m dying behind the couch because that brisket looks and smells so good, then it hits me. I have a fucking cell phone. So I give him a call and tell him his girlfriend just pulled into his driveway. I guessed the chick was a hooker and I guessed right! He hides the hooker upstairs and while he’s up there I slip out of his fucking mansion faster than shit.

I make it home, quickly drink two beers because that’s the proper way to prepare for potentially great beef brisket, then I slice off a piece of brisket and guess what - The. Best. Beef. Brisket. Ever. He’s the Banksy of crock-potting. I immediately get the beef sweats, and that only happens when I eat great mother fucking beef. I also decide to keep rooting for the Lakers.

MEAT GRINDER MISHAP

"Despite all safety precautions there was an unforeseen tragic accident at our plant," Brian Coelho, general manager of the plant, said in a prepared statement. "The circumstances are being fully investigated." The Associated Press March 1, 2011
First off Brian, your company makes you look like a dick. Does a guy like you have a Facebook page? What was your status update that day? "Rough Day at Work" Way to show some compassion. But you have had mishaps previous to this. Seems to me the $1000 dollar fine you had to pay was a little steep. Yes it happened again. A meat grinder death in California. I believe this is the first senior citizen that has died by the teeth of a industrial meat mincer. Leopoldo Gutierrez was 72 years old. A fucking 72 year old man working at a meat grinding plant in California? Stay classy Central Valley Meat Co. (checking for web site now)
No website? Strange I thought MUTT would come up with some catch slogan for meat. insert music a smiling illegal and then some cheesy voice over. Anyway Central Valley Meat Company has a job opening if your entering your twilight years of life and are looking for some additional income.

Fattest Cities in the United States

We know how stupid most Texans are but you can't help but notice they are super fat, junk eating, agoraphobic diabetics.

The list of the fattest cities is a great one to look at and just wonder what the hell people are doing?

Why is Riverside the fattest city in California?

Why do people in Corpus Christi Texas run and hide when that bitch from the Biggest Loser comes to town? ( Have you noticed that she always has some porn-like look when she yells at the contestants?
I think the Warthog's penis tip is just off the edge of the picture below.)

Over at Men's Health they have the list.

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BP or BK caused massive oil slick off Gulf Coast?

On the war path again!
The King has ramped up his destructive creativity. The King growing tired of just destroying office spaces and mental institutions has moved on to bigger and better things. The destruction of the Gulf Coast fragile ecosystem was The King's latest target. PETA has claimed the oil spill was not British Petroleum's problem but those damn meat eating bastards.

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Things always seem to work for our award winners

And the award goes to...

Sweet Justice
Ryan Kutscher was promoted to Creative Director at CP+B.
Staff Members are stoked, as Ryan seems to pull off the trying to be cool side of things so well.
From sun glasses at a shoot to the ever popular 'haven't shaved look' and finally posting every award possible for 'Whopper Freakout' on his own web page. (Found nowhere on his award list is the WDCSD's D-Bag of the year award.)
Although far less the redoubtable foe of unhipness compared to Alex Bogusky, Ryan has been made and is an earner for the Crispin Nostra
Good Job Ryan!


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Whopper Freakout

McDonald's Happy Meal Turns 30

McDonald's Happy Meal Turns 30!
Seems to be going well for America.
Obesity rates thank you and your buddies.

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Explosion at a SLIM JIM plant kills 3

Not the "Snap into a Slim Jim" the company was looking for.

A gas leak caused an explosion that killed three Slim Jim workers.

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Is Will Smith remaking "The Death Pool"

Holy Crap! When will Will Smith buy the rights to the two deadly months of 2009? WDCSD has not seen a 60 day span like this one...EVER!

What a couple of weeks!

Ed

Farrah

Michael J

Billy Mays

Julia's Cousin

Steve McNair

Michael Roof didn't even get a blip on the tidal wave of death.

Ad guys: Try getting laid more at home and stop taking it to the digital airwaves

Sweet Jesus is the entire ad world horny?

A McDonald’s Pay Cover-Up? Maybe that's how the beat BK

An article at 247wallst.com points out some very interesting cover ups by Ronald's Army of executives and the hold back of information on payouts for Mayor McCheese's country club fees.

At some point shouldn't this be the fault of McDonald's advertising buddies?  Maybe they could put out some ad pointing out how McDonald's executives are a diverse group of good guys and girls and how the McDonald's Corporation helps needy people highlighting the grounds crew of the country club enjoying a new tasty McDonald's Angus burger.  Freak out about a blow job burger picture that made it's way to the Internet and has us believe it's on every corner but slow to tell everyone that this is a Singapore Ad and not a U.S. campaign.  Someone should tell WDCSD where all the uproar about all the semi-stereotypical McDonald's ads that flood the airwaves (scratch that) the digital waves?

Punch me in the face- But in this economy show me a beefy seven inch meat sandwich over a douche bag getting his 3.6 million dollar salary and seems to be a bad tipper.

Nice job Tim Fenton!

LIVING NEAR KFC DOESN'T MAKE YOU FAT

At WDCSD we love a good study.
The study from Indiana University-Purdue University Indanapolis (Handful)
points out that living next to a BK or Skippers does not make you fat. The study also mentions living next to a shopping mart full of fresh fruits and vegetables does not make you skinny.
The cool thing was living next to a kickball diamond or some sort of recreational facility made you skinnier. Living next to a track and field facility made you fatter according to the study.
Kicking a ball or running around tackling a buddy is fun, running in circles in front of your parents and those creepy track dudes...NOT FUN. Once again loser scientists spent a shitload of money to prove that sitting on your ass makes you fat and track is boring. Way to go science dudes.

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British Meat Spill

The British sure know how to make a meat spill on a road sound awesomely pleasant.
Rip Salsa had no idea that the toothy empire builders called trailers a Lorry or the windshield a windscreen.
WDCSD love the British.


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The F-word in a McDonald's Happy Meal CD

McDonald's Happy Meal Song has the Gavin Degraw remake with the F-bomb in it....Interesting  

LISTEN HERE 

and you decide