Happy Meals are safe again! Oh happy days

Some lady named Monet tried to sue McDonald's because her "fat"(guessing) kids wouldn't stop bothering her.

A "fat" (just guessing) lady and some "fat"(again, just guessing) kid's lawsuit was dismissed. She claimed McDonald's advertising violates California Consumer protection laws. She was wrong.

She was represented by the Center for Science in the Public Interest. McDondald's was represented by the law firm Hava Fukin Klue.

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Feral Chickens Will Save the World

Those of us lucky enough to survive the apocalypse will undoubtedly head to New Orleans. Why? The feral chickens, of course. Do you think a bunch of feral cows could survive the apocalypse let alone thrive in post-apocalyptic conditions? Hell no. But chickens, they’re resilient, smarter than you think. And it's the chicken that will save mankind.

Tonight, when you’re at the dinner table feasting on a factory chicken, raise your glass to the feral chicken. For it is the feral chicken that will be worshipped… or maybe it’ll be the man that finds the feral chicken that will be praised. Only time will tell.

A Meat slick on Illinois Hwy

Parts is Parts

A meat spill was cleaned up on an Illinois hwy when a truck hauling "Reused animal rendering material" overturned. The spill was cleaned up by Cargill even though they said "It wasn't our fault" They headed out with a little Tide detergent and some cold water and made the road drivable again. The load was intended to be used as an ingredient in pet food. One of the workers got Kirstie Alley and Val Kilmer's autographs when they thought the smell was a road side taco vendor instead of a meat spill

MEAT GRINDER MISHAP

"Despite all safety precautions there was an unforeseen tragic accident at our plant," Brian Coelho, general manager of the plant, said in a prepared statement. "The circumstances are being fully investigated." The Associated Press March 1, 2011
First off Brian, your company makes you look like a dick. Does a guy like you have a Facebook page? What was your status update that day? "Rough Day at Work" Way to show some compassion. But you have had mishaps previous to this. Seems to me the $1000 dollar fine you had to pay was a little steep. Yes it happened again. A meat grinder death in California. I believe this is the first senior citizen that has died by the teeth of a industrial meat mincer. Leopoldo Gutierrez was 72 years old. A fucking 72 year old man working at a meat grinding plant in California? Stay classy Central Valley Meat Co. (checking for web site now)
No website? Strange I thought MUTT would come up with some catch slogan for meat. insert music a smiling illegal and then some cheesy voice over. Anyway Central Valley Meat Company has a job opening if your entering your twilight years of life and are looking for some additional income.

Give Me Sex Or I Kill The Dog.

This Dognapper's days are now spent behind bars.

He demanded $70 or some sex for the return of Pineapple the Dog.

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Who doesn't love a good McDonald's shooting?

Another McDonald's shooting.

This shooting involves a sawed off shotgun, drive through, breakfast menu and no deaths.

As Ronald's web of franchises increases so do random shootings involving employees.

The rule for working at McDonald's is to avoid getting shot because McDonald's is likely to find an excuse why you shouldn't get your medical bills paid.  

Steps to avoid getting shot while working at McDonald's.

1. Quit and begin to sell weed to the public.  Both are equally good/bad.

2. Grab your full-time manager, as he/she will have insurance and can afford to get a shotgun blast to the face.

3. Pack heat while working.

4. Expose your penis at work.  This gives you a work story later in life, no one works at McDonald's long enough to recall whether it was you...Really who puts McDonald's on a resume?

5. Quit.

6. Bloody your hand at work like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler.

7. Quit

8. Say "Nice tits Grandma" and see if you get fired. (see #4)

9. Belittle your manager who lives in the same apartment complex as you do.

10. Ask patrons to look up "Pink Sock" on Urban Dictionary and if they don't know what it is be sure to tell them.

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Matt Lauer, PETA's New Enemy

Pam doesn't care if you look at her tits, but when you run down a deer on your bike... that pisses her off. Matt Lauer is screwed. PETA's next move is to outlaw bikes.

SHIRTLESS AND ARRESTED: Cops follow the trail – of beef jerky and cigarettes

The police work was incredible and Rip Salsa is sure they had to call in CSI to figure out who ripped off the Jackpot market of jerky, beer and cigarettes.  Sounds like a white trash version of the bread crumbs left by Hansel and Gretel.

ARTICLE #1

The middle of winter in Idaho brings out the 'Ground Hogs'.

There is a tradition as old as the wagon trains when it comes to Idaho and that tradition is going shirtless before the snow melts. Punxsutawney has the ground hog and Boise has the shirtless dude that is being pursued by the cops.    This shirtless deadbeat saw his shadow and Idaho is in for 6 more weeks of winter.

ARTICLE #2

Having Exotic Pets Never Seems To Pay: APE ATTACK

Whacked out on drugs and suffering from Lyme disease a crazed ape attacks the woman who raised him from infancy.

Stick with nice dogs and pampered cats.  Here is a LIST OF EXOTIC ANIMAL ATTACKS just to prove WDCSD's point.

It just puts you in a different class of wacko owning weird animals like snakes, rats, tigers, cougars, gators or monkeys.  We love the shirtless, the meat grinder accidents, the fact Pam Anderson wont rot after she dies, Alex Bogusky being Alex Bogusky but we do find wild animals living in apartments as lame beyond all other lame items reported.

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