Erik Ainge Thinks He Did More Drugs Than Charlie Sheen… and He’s Mormon

Erik Ainge admits to being a drug addict in this article, actually he brags about it. He says, “I would’ve made Charlie Sheen look like Miss Daisy.” Sounds like he’s still on drugs… actually he is, keep reading because here are a few points Erik needs to consider before he opens his mouth again.

First, Sheen made $1.8 million per episode, you signed a four-year $1.87 million deal to play for the NY Jets and your football career is over. Sheen lives in Malibu and is insane, you lived in New Jersey… in an apartment, which is also insane. Let’s do the math… $1.8 million for one episode of that shitty sitcom, or $1.8 million for 4 years of playing football, oh and your football contract isn’t guaranteed.

Second, you have tattoos reminding you not to do drugs. Seriously? You can’t just look at a line of coke say “eh, I can’t handle this shit”? Instead you have to have tats that say, “One Day At A Time” and “This Too Shall Pass”. Erik, you’re either an idiot (he is Mormon, so…) or you’re a dipshit. I’d say you’re both. But hey, at least he gets to have multiple wives! I wonder if old Joseph Smith is punishing Erik for going to Tennessee instead of BYU? Probably, I mean Joe Smith was a prophet and all.

Third. Erik, you have a fat, puffy face and you’re not even 25, which only means you’re either drinking a shitload of alcohol or you’re on med’s… oh, that’s right, you are on meds. You’re on “bipolar medication”. Well, at least you have an excuse of why you’re a drug addict. I mean, hell, it’s not your fault you wasted your talent, it’s the “rapid cycling bipolar disorder.” Right? Good thing there’s more drugs to cure you, or at least keep you stable for the rest of your life. Hurray for prescription drugs!

The good news is since your football career is over I know he can get a job as a car salesman.

All About the Mormons?
Tags: SOUTH
PARKmore...

Thor – Everybody Wants A Piece of the Action

I used to know a guy who was in great shape, actually he was in too good of shape. He worked out five hours a day on top of working a meager job sweeping out warehouses filled with soda. He made very little money and whenever he’d encounter anyone of wealth he would say this, “If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.” What he was really saying was, “I better live longer than all those rich bastards.”

Well, that guy died a long time ago but still works out five hours a day. Weird, huh.

Oh, and speaking of muscles… here’s the THOR trailer they didn’t show you.

Everything Must Go

There are times when the whole prison would be laughing together at Will Ferrell doing something that wouldn't be considered at all funny by many, but killers and bank robbers and one horse thief like him. I tried to be snarky about the guy like I am with others who end up making horrible family movies and sitcoms, I just can't.

Rip likes the looks of the Lionsgate film Everything Must Go.

Climate Change Stabilization Specialist (Inter-Agency Liaison)

Can we please stop! Stop the bullshit, stop the "Inter-Agency Liaison" jobs that pop up.

Do you know what we do at WDCSD when someone asks the staff if it would be a good idea if WDCSD had an "Inter-Agency Liaison"? We punch them in the face for asking. You see we have contracts with all new employees that say with clear warning "Face punching is allowed." We don't subscribe to "There is no such thing as a dumb question", there are dumb questions in life. Don't ask me or expect me to put them here, I would have to punch you in the face. Do you know what else we punch people in the face for? When our "writers" put too many "quotations" in a post! The Feral Kid just punched me.

Over at Environmental Jobs Stopdodo they have a posting for a job with this requirement

"The Climate Change Stabilization Specialist (Inter-Agency Liaison) will be responsible for forging strong professional partnerships with other Federal Departments and Agencies in developing and implementing inter-agency efforts to combat the threat of climate change in cooperation with developing nations. In particular, s/he will also assist with the integration of democracy, governance and stabilization approaches with the USAID Climate Change Initiative(CCI)"

Talk about a do nothing but sound important job.

"Hey what do you do?"

"I'm in charge of forging strong professional partnerships and cooperation with others."

So if you have a Subaru Beard and love talking about what your going to do later after all these meetings please apply HERE. If you listen to guys like Seth Godin and others who tell you to SHIP and do something big, run the fuck away.

PUNCH!!!!

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Man gets foot stuck in meat grinder

This isn't in the top 10 of meat grinding accidents but worth mentioning.

A man on the cleaning crew of a Leetsdale, PA meat processing plant slipped while cleaning a machine that was turned off and got his foot stuck in the gears. I am guessing it won't be a sequel to 172 Hours. James Franco's agent said his schedule is packed. I put in a call to Val Kilmer's agent and she declined comment.

The man was stuck in the grinder all night because his normal partner called in sick and he was working alone. I could only imagine the thoughts going through his head. "Please check the grinder before you turn it on" or "Don't fall asleep" or "What would my foot taste like?"

Industrial food processing rules!

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March is Colon awareness month

I hope you didn't misread the title and thought it was Colin Cowherd awareness month.

This is something serious and even though assholes are involved it isn't about Colin Cowherd.

As Rip's family was awakened one afternoon in 2000 to Katie Couric's artful and brave live colonoscopy. She alone increased colon cancer screening by numbers that made a few doctors really really rich.

WDCSD staff member Art Banks was most likely saved by Katie. Art is our television critic who spends a lot of time sitting on his ass and doing as little as possible.

A ripple effect occurred after Katie's gesture and other celebrities joined in, specificly Richard Gere. This video solved one of the most recognized URBAN LEGENDS EVER. We would like to thank Richard personally for his courageous act.

Enjoy the Richard Gere colonoscopy video.

Props to Lionsgate® for it's first round of Microbudget films

Rip Salsa gets this email at ripsalsa@gmail.com from these advertisement guys and they all send the same one.

"Hey D-bag try "doing" instead of being so snarky" or "Why the fuck do you hate on Cowherd so much? Get a life dickhead" After I sort through the multiple 1099 forums for my motivational speaking, my massive W-2 and counting my cash that I hide from the Mexican government I respond by asking them, "How much money do you make a year?"

WDCSD isn't just about snarkiness thrust upon certain d-bags, we have love for goodness and forward thinking people and businesses.

Lionsgate® films had a good idea with it's Microbudget films which awards budding actors and filmmakers with a chance to shine like Seth Godin's head. The first couple of films will be RAPTUREPALOOZA a post-apocalyptic comendy, GAY DUDE, a coming of age comedy with a twist, and 6 MIRANDA DRIVE, a supernatural thriller. Joe Drake, President of the Motion Picture Group at Lionsgate announced. So lick my snarky balls you haters.

Sammy Hagar Not Accused of Stuffing His Pants with a Cucumber but was Abducted by Aliens

Sammy says he couldn’t explain his abduction for a long time because he didn’t understand technology “but now I’m pretty sure it was a wireless situation.”

He also said David Lee Roth is a dick. But if there's ever a chest hair competition, David wins.

A Meat slick on Illinois Hwy

Parts is Parts

A meat spill was cleaned up on an Illinois hwy when a truck hauling "Reused animal rendering material" overturned. The spill was cleaned up by Cargill even though they said "It wasn't our fault" They headed out with a little Tide detergent and some cold water and made the road drivable again. The load was intended to be used as an ingredient in pet food. One of the workers got Kirstie Alley and Val Kilmer's autographs when they thought the smell was a road side taco vendor instead of a meat spill

Pam Anderson's next movie? THE BEAVER

I was wrong about the movie

Even though there is a rumor Mel might have fisted Pam's beaver and that is why he got hammered and drove around Malibu in an anti-semantic stupor. I pitched that as premise to Universal Studios in 2009 and even though Steve Zahn was perfect for the roll I was escorted out.

Nope it's a movie that Mel actually fists a beaver puppet.

RIP Nate Dogg… and Thanks for the Blunt

Nate Dogg, may you rest in peace.

Most media outlets are praising Nate Dogg’s contributions to the world of hip hop and R & B. We at WDCSD do not agree. We think he made contributions to the whole fucking world of music. Nate Dogg created, most people don’t do shit.

True story:

The Verizon cable guy came over to do an installation last year and as usual it was supposed to take a half hour… it took 6 fucking hours. But Carlos, the cable guy, was cool. See most of the time Carlos and I were just waiting for the assholes back at the Verizon headquarters to answer a few simple questions he had. While waiting we started talking and Carlos told me he knew Nate Dogg and that he was the coolest celeb cable install he’s ever done. So I immediately put in a CD that featured Nate Dogg. Carlos immediately produced a nice fat blunt. We smoked and listened to some sweet music while waiting for the Verizon man to pull his head out of his ass. So, thanks for the blunt, Nate Dogg.

Marathoner to eat fast food.

Believe me being a marathoner has nothing to do with being an athlete. Being an Olympic marathoner is something different than being an ordinary marathoner. I eat every day but Joey Chestnut is a professional. Combining Joey Chestnut and Pheidippides is an awesome combination to be sure but don't get carried away
thinking it holds any weight that some no name marathoner goes Morgan Spurlock.
This guy Joe D'Amico is going to eat pancakes, burgers and fries before his next "Race" and TOPNEWS gave him an article on this tired theme.
In 1998 after robbing a Subway, I cut off my jeans and went shirtless, ran with a pack of fat ladies that walked/jogged the Portland Marathon and with cops everywhere I managed to escape the law with a time of 4 hours and 27 seconds. Faster than Oprah, faster than Freddie Prinze Jr., faster than David Lee Roth, faster than Mario Lopez and the dozens of celebrities who call themselves MARATHONERS.
We here at WDCSD hate marathoners.
You run a 10K every weekend we love you.

Catfish Movie Review

I don’t usually review movies because it’s not worth my time but I’m a friendly sort of fella and I don’t want you to waste your time with this piece of shit movie. It’s called Catfish. There is some debate whether it is or isn’t a documentary but does it really matter when the film is completely mind-numbing? But I’ll end the debate, it isn’t a documentary.

I will, however, give the marketing team some credit for making the trailer look like some sort of thriller/horror type film. It isn’t.

There was one funny part of the movie. The boring dipshit the “docu” follows around is Nev Schulman and he has a lower back tattoo. He says that he got it when he was “17 and regrets it everyday”, but had no problem showing it off in the phony, boring film. You know, if you’re some unfortunate dude who got caught up in the tattoo craze in the early 90’s and got a lower back tattoo before you knew only tramps get that stamp, then I’ll give you a pass. But this Nev idiot got his somewhere around 2005. No excuse. And even less excuse to make a boring documentary.

Hell, Ryan Kutscher even took his sunglasses off to laughed.

Death of the Autotune: Jay-Z is a smart guy

FLEX



This is what moved Jay-Z to pen the above song

Is Will Smith remaking "The Death Pool"

Holy Crap! When will Will Smith buy the rights to the two deadly months of 2009? WDCSD has not seen a 60 day span like this one...EVER!

What a couple of weeks!

Ed

Farrah

Michael J

Billy Mays

Julia's Cousin

Steve McNair

Michael Roof didn't even get a blip on the tidal wave of death.

The Oldest Jonas brother will be having dirty hot sex soon

Kevin Jonas, the oldest Jonas Brother, is anticipating the day he can throw his purity ring over a bridge and watch it sink to the bottom of the bay.  After Kevin gets married and bangs this hot hairdresser I am sure the other brothers will be asking what the hell it was like to have dirty hot sex?  Kevin will be telling his brothers to throw those stupid rings away and start hitting the hotties in the concert crowds, suggesting they change their name from Jonas Brothers to Motley Jonas, this sex thing is unbelievable.

"It was tough performing last night, knowing that I was going to ask the biggest question in my life to the most amazing girl in the world," People quoted Jonas as saying.

Article

When you make macho movies and then complain to you boss please use spellcheck

WDCSD has a few rules when it comes to Email.
1. Never Email Drunk
The Never Email Drunk rule is the #1 always follow rule of the Internet for numerous reasons which includes sending Emails to your bosses and ex-girlfriends.
Michael Bay was unhappy about how "Transformers Duex" was being marketed an sent an after hours email to his bosses, his bosses released the email to the gossip king TMZ.
This brings WDCSD to rule # 2
2. Always use spell check when Emailing.
If your a professional sending an Email to other professionals try to make your Emails readable and grammatically correct,which ties into the #1 rule of Never Email Drunk, because if TMZ gets a hold of your Email you will get crushed.
The final WDCSD email rule should also be a Miller Lite Man Law rule.
3. Never sound like a pussy or try to sound Email Tough.
It never works to sound like a little baby when you complain on Email because you'll come off sounding like a pussy.

Michael Bay broke all three rules in WDCSD's opinion. When you try as hard to look Hollywood perfect like Michael Bay does this could nut punch Mikey Sally Bay where it hurts, the ego pocket book. Michael may be asked to direct the next Sandra Bullock movie instead of working on bad ass movies like "Bad Boys" or "The Rock" and instead be asked to work on the "Bad Boys the Musical". Also WDCSD loves the Michael Bay Phil Spector connection with the woman who killed herself.
The drunk/Bad Grammar/Pussy email was pointed out in an article by Greg Sandoval who covers media and digital entertainment for CNET News and has a great mustache.

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Is Hollywood out of Ideas...THERE CAN BE ONLY TWO

Will Fucking Smith- King of the Remakes

Life seems to be measured in remakes as industry leaders transition from the age demographic that grew up watching movies in the 1970's to the now obvious trend in the  leadership run by the generation whose childhood memories consist of 1980's cinema and comic books.

The buzz was a Zac Efron remake of Footloose, which he bailed on after that lame ass Freaky Friday remake.  Zac is being replaced by the dreamy Chance Crawford who in all my public bathroom encounters with look-a-likes is far more handsome than Zac.  Sweet Jesus the six degrees of Chance Crawford? The Crawford Brothers? Palates with Chance?  More indicators of this trend is the possible MTV remake of Teen Wolf and Paul Verhoeven must be rolling over in his grave (He is dead in Hollywood's eyes, just kidding Paul! I think The Surrogate will be terrific! Someone who considers Halle Berry to be too old to carry a baby is awesome.) as the talk of remaking RoboCop is abound.  

Others?

Red Dawn

Oldboy-This one will be a FUBAR  Will Fucking Smith?

Karate Kid- Another Will Fucking Smith, the Fresh Prince of Remakes.

Alien- Ridley Scott must be proud to be associated with Carl Erik Rinsch.

Highlander- "There Can Be Only TWO?"

Soon WDCSD will be arguing about the best remakes of all time and who played a better Robert Neville, M.D, Will Smith or Charlton Heston?

"Was the 1990's remake of Standing Tall better than the 2014  remake of Against All Odds?"

Time will pass and maybe, like Einstein's law of relativity as speed increase the mass gets to hard to push with any energy, Hollywood will hit the wall on remakes and the term DuexNext, remake # 2 will be the rage.  It was one thing when there were a few adaptions from books like Robin Hood, where you would expect 9 or 10 remakes but this is beginning to look a lot like Hell.

British Meat Spill

The British sure know how to make a meat spill on a road sound awesomely pleasant.
Rip Salsa had no idea that the toothy empire builders called trailers a Lorry or the windshield a windscreen.
WDCSD love the British.


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Management

Smell that?