Taking a dump and reading my iPad

I like to take my iPad into the shitter and get a good read in while I take care of a life task. I was Reading about Forbes top billionaires wondering how some guy that used to work for me was #1 on the list?

I was perplexed that I couldn't remember the last time I ate corn?

I was wondering what the fuck did Larry Ellison do to his face when my Google Alert for "Stupid ass shit that people pay CP+B for" twanged I had a new alert. The timing was impeccable, I was on the drop box with my iPad and CP+B was involved in a study that said people are unfocused
when they use the iPad for reading. No shit! My freaking email alerts for
Victor & Spoils alone sounds like a casino...DING DING DING DING DING DING add my alerts for shirtless man arrested, plungers, the shocker, meat accident, meat, processed meat and my iPad sounds like the start of an Aldo Nova song. I can't concentrate.