Things always seem to work for our award winners

And the award goes to...

Sweet Justice
Ryan Kutscher was promoted to Creative Director at CP+B.
Staff Members are stoked, as Ryan seems to pull off the trying to be cool side of things so well.
From sun glasses at a shoot to the ever popular 'haven't shaved look' and finally posting every award possible for 'Whopper Freakout' on his own web page. (Found nowhere on his award list is the WDCSD's D-Bag of the year award.)
Although far less the redoubtable foe of unhipness compared to Alex Bogusky, Ryan has been made and is an earner for the Crispin Nostra
Good Job Ryan!


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Whopper Freakout

Death of the Autotune: Jay-Z is a smart guy

FLEX



This is what moved Jay-Z to pen the above song

Would You?

McDonald's Happy Meal Turns 30

McDonald's Happy Meal Turns 30!
Seems to be going well for America.
Obesity rates thank you and your buddies.

ARTICLE

Explosion at a SLIM JIM plant kills 3

Not the "Snap into a Slim Jim" the company was looking for.

A gas leak caused an explosion that killed three Slim Jim workers.

ARTICLE

Alex Bogusky gives interview on the set of "SAW XI"

Apparently Alex gives interviews in between cutting up hookers in a creepy basement-like facility.

Much of the interview looks and sounds like he is trying for something but not reaching it.

Comes off less cool than the Bogusky brand needs to.

Traditional Media...Blah Blah Blah

Traditional Media...Blah Blah Blah.

Method Advertising?  WHAT?

SO COOL...SO SO COOL

Jeremy Abelson Interviews Alex Bogusky for the Huffington Post from Jeremy Abelson on Vimeo.

The Softer side of Canada

Canada...Real nice.

Dickwads

Is Will Smith remaking "The Death Pool"

Holy Crap! When will Will Smith buy the rights to the two deadly months of 2009? WDCSD has not seen a 60 day span like this one...EVER!

What a couple of weeks!

Ed

Farrah

Michael J

Billy Mays

Julia's Cousin

Steve McNair

Michael Roof didn't even get a blip on the tidal wave of death.

Joey Chestnut defends his mustard belt

Hotdogs. 68 Hotdogs.

Just thinking about it makes Rip Salsa ill, ill but proud to be an American.

Dude You Just Poached My Ad

There has been a lot of hype surrounding Alex and his band of cool lately, a "Summer Surprise", a huge push of self promotion and others claiming a near JUMP THE SHARK of Alex.

The business built around watching the ad world has been all over a blow job sandwich which Gawker came out and blamed Cool Alex and the Bike Commuters for and now the Microsoft Puke ad for Explore 8.0, both the work of others and not CP+B but became about CP+B.  The continued self promotion has confused some or maybe like a cushion fart that lingers, CP+B still gets the blame for the smell.  Fernado from SNL said,

 "It's not how feel, it's how you look."

Nice job boys and girls of Boulder...You have made it! Perception is everything.

T

The Oldest Jonas brother will be having dirty hot sex soon

Kevin Jonas, the oldest Jonas Brother, is anticipating the day he can throw his purity ring over a bridge and watch it sink to the bottom of the bay.  After Kevin gets married and bangs this hot hairdresser I am sure the other brothers will be asking what the hell it was like to have dirty hot sex?  Kevin will be telling his brothers to throw those stupid rings away and start hitting the hotties in the concert crowds, suggesting they change their name from Jonas Brothers to Motley Jonas, this sex thing is unbelievable.

"It was tough performing last night, knowing that I was going to ask the biggest question in my life to the most amazing girl in the world," People quoted Jonas as saying.

Article

Step Two: Kill the parents

Fucking dip shits with exotic pets.

What the fuck are you proving by owning a snake that takes up more room than an Andre the Giant shit?  Were all the pit bulls taken?  Did the local Tiger adoption fall through?  Life has enough bullshit without introducing a snake.

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Give Me Sex Or I Kill The Dog.

This Dognapper's days are now spent behind bars.

He demanded $70 or some sex for the return of Pineapple the Dog.

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RIP Billy Mays

Pitchman Billy Mays died.

ARTICLE

Ad guys: Try getting laid more at home and stop taking it to the digital airwaves

Sweet Jesus is the entire ad world horny?

A McDonald’s Pay Cover-Up? Maybe that's how the beat BK

An article at 247wallst.com points out some very interesting cover ups by Ronald's Army of executives and the hold back of information on payouts for Mayor McCheese's country club fees.

At some point shouldn't this be the fault of McDonald's advertising buddies?  Maybe they could put out some ad pointing out how McDonald's executives are a diverse group of good guys and girls and how the McDonald's Corporation helps needy people highlighting the grounds crew of the country club enjoying a new tasty McDonald's Angus burger.  Freak out about a blow job burger picture that made it's way to the Internet and has us believe it's on every corner but slow to tell everyone that this is a Singapore Ad and not a U.S. campaign.  Someone should tell WDCSD where all the uproar about all the semi-stereotypical McDonald's ads that flood the airwaves (scratch that) the digital waves?

Punch me in the face- But in this economy show me a beefy seven inch meat sandwich over a douche bag getting his 3.6 million dollar salary and seems to be a bad tipper.

Nice job Tim Fenton!

When you make macho movies and then complain to you boss please use spellcheck

WDCSD has a few rules when it comes to Email.
1. Never Email Drunk
The Never Email Drunk rule is the #1 always follow rule of the Internet for numerous reasons which includes sending Emails to your bosses and ex-girlfriends.
Michael Bay was unhappy about how "Transformers Duex" was being marketed an sent an after hours email to his bosses, his bosses released the email to the gossip king TMZ.
This brings WDCSD to rule # 2
2. Always use spell check when Emailing.
If your a professional sending an Email to other professionals try to make your Emails readable and grammatically correct,which ties into the #1 rule of Never Email Drunk, because if TMZ gets a hold of your Email you will get crushed.
The final WDCSD email rule should also be a Miller Lite Man Law rule.
3. Never sound like a pussy or try to sound Email Tough.
It never works to sound like a little baby when you complain on Email because you'll come off sounding like a pussy.

Michael Bay broke all three rules in WDCSD's opinion. When you try as hard to look Hollywood perfect like Michael Bay does this could nut punch Mikey Sally Bay where it hurts, the ego pocket book. Michael may be asked to direct the next Sandra Bullock movie instead of working on bad ass movies like "Bad Boys" or "The Rock" and instead be asked to work on the "Bad Boys the Musical". Also WDCSD loves the Michael Bay Phil Spector connection with the woman who killed herself.
The drunk/Bad Grammar/Pussy email was pointed out in an article by Greg Sandoval who covers media and digital entertainment for CNET News and has a great mustache.

ARTICLE

Is Hollywood out of Ideas...THERE CAN BE ONLY TWO

Will Fucking Smith- King of the Remakes

Life seems to be measured in remakes as industry leaders transition from the age demographic that grew up watching movies in the 1970's to the now obvious trend in the  leadership run by the generation whose childhood memories consist of 1980's cinema and comic books.

The buzz was a Zac Efron remake of Footloose, which he bailed on after that lame ass Freaky Friday remake.  Zac is being replaced by the dreamy Chance Crawford who in all my public bathroom encounters with look-a-likes is far more handsome than Zac.  Sweet Jesus the six degrees of Chance Crawford? The Crawford Brothers? Palates with Chance?  More indicators of this trend is the possible MTV remake of Teen Wolf and Paul Verhoeven must be rolling over in his grave (He is dead in Hollywood's eyes, just kidding Paul! I think The Surrogate will be terrific! Someone who considers Halle Berry to be too old to carry a baby is awesome.) as the talk of remaking RoboCop is abound.  

Others?

Red Dawn

Oldboy-This one will be a FUBAR  Will Fucking Smith?

Karate Kid- Another Will Fucking Smith, the Fresh Prince of Remakes.

Alien- Ridley Scott must be proud to be associated with Carl Erik Rinsch.

Highlander- "There Can Be Only TWO?"

Soon WDCSD will be arguing about the best remakes of all time and who played a better Robert Neville, M.D, Will Smith or Charlton Heston?

"Was the 1990's remake of Standing Tall better than the 2014  remake of Against All Odds?"

Time will pass and maybe, like Einstein's law of relativity as speed increase the mass gets to hard to push with any energy, Hollywood will hit the wall on remakes and the term DuexNext, remake # 2 will be the rage.  It was one thing when there were a few adaptions from books like Robin Hood, where you would expect 9 or 10 remakes but this is beginning to look a lot like Hell.

Come out...Come out...Punks are trying to geek on CP+B

WDCSD always find it funny how all the nerds come out of the woodwork to make fun of the Burger King/Crispin relationship after some news that seems to prove the nerds are winning. Google search Burger King Crispin Porter and Bogusky Sweet Jesus you would think Obama won some sort of election, Saltine Crackers changed it shape to oval...Mister Salty thinks these pundits of shame are a bit on the salty side. Nerds are still Nerds and CP+B is still CP+B is winning all the time. Maybe once in a while the cool guys in Boguskyland walk out of the bathroom with a urine stain visible on their cool jeans, the pair they wear to business meetings.Alway remember that the urine will dry and they still have the coolest jeans in the business.

ARTICLE

ARTICLE #2

LIVING NEAR KFC DOESN'T MAKE YOU FAT

At WDCSD we love a good study.
The study from Indiana University-Purdue University Indanapolis (Handful)
points out that living next to a BK or Skippers does not make you fat. The study also mentions living next to a shopping mart full of fresh fruits and vegetables does not make you skinny.
The cool thing was living next to a kickball diamond or some sort of recreational facility made you skinnier. Living next to a track and field facility made you fatter according to the study.
Kicking a ball or running around tackling a buddy is fun, running in circles in front of your parents and those creepy track dudes...NOT FUN. Once again loser scientists spent a shitload of money to prove that sitting on your ass makes you fat and track is boring. Way to go science dudes.

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British Meat Spill

The British sure know how to make a meat spill on a road sound awesomely pleasant.
Rip Salsa had no idea that the toothy empire builders called trailers a Lorry or the windshield a windscreen.
WDCSD love the British.


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Swedish Meatballs

CP+B heads to Europe.

Alex's band of Cool heads to Europe after buying the digital agency Daddy.

This makes total sense as Boulder loses it cool factor, Alex can offer an even hipper place to co-workers who take a love it or leave it attitude about America.

ARTICLE

I Shit My Pants Twice A Year

George Brett, Hall of Fame Baseball player and storyteller.

The F-word in a McDonald's Happy Meal CD

McDonald's Happy Meal Song has the Gavin Degraw remake with the F-bomb in it....Interesting  

LISTEN HERE 

and you decide

Management

Smell that?

Hey Zach Snyder ask Gavin Hood how it should be done

Zach is hurting from this weekend's successful launch of Wolverine's movie.

America and the world wants the simple emotions of reacting to a character in a way that is easy, like the cheese in a can easy, not sharp cheddar that only a few like.  

Gavin Hood didn't seem like the right choice from his previous Oscar winning movie to make a comic book movie but sexy sexy Hugh wanted him.

It worked well enough that the weekend went without someone blowing their head off during his movie.

Alex Bogusky stunt double for Tom Cruise

Seriously, how is this NOT Alex during his long hair phase... er, sorry. During his Cool Long Hair Phase, cause anything Alex does has to be cool.

I love midgets

Rip Salsa often asks his Colored friends and his Oriental friends which commercials they find offensive.
Many of Oriental friends found the Burger King Midget Farming Commercial the most offensive. I guess I don't understand, but Toby my Colored friend just laughed out loud and yelled to me in the movie theater that I just don't get it. You have to look deep into the commercial to see just how creative Crispin Porter and Bogusky got on the zinger of a commercial.

Gotta Love Boulder

"A 46-year-old man was found shirtless, drunk and urinating on the side of the road in east Boulder County "  

ARTICLE

Man loses weight by eating nothing but McDonald's

Move over Jarred here comes Skinny Ronald.

ARTICLE

The Rocker kills division of Fox but manager promoted

It always sucks to be the little guy.
Screw up, Screw up big and you get promoted.

Fox Atomic is dead

Peter Rice, thanks to Slumdog is still alive and kicking and was promoted to run all of it.

Nice job!

ARTICLE

CRAPPY VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Hall and Oates were college buddies and never left each other's Private Eyes.

17 Again

How much pain can one take?

The title should have been Pain Tolerance and not 17 again.

Zac Efron?  Soon he will be remembered like that kid that was on T.V. with Alan Thick.

I am sure the Gay dollar and the Tween dollar will propel this to #4 or # 5 this week.

I bet if some movie goer shot them self at a Zac Efron movie and instead of The Watchmen it would have made national news

ARTICLE

Childhood Dream: Job: Clown: Future Killer

Who knew you had to interview to be a clown?
I thought you just had to have the desire to kill someone later but it turns out you have to interview and go through a try out.

ARTICLE

Ron Jeremy Interview with AMI

Story lines are important

American Mustache Institute interviews Ron Jeremy - watch more funny videos

The Funniest Movie of 2009 - Bruno

Sacha Baron Cohen, comic genius.

Ontario doctors urge menus with calorie counts

Canada.

Style or Substance?

Do we really think the listing of calories make people turn around and walk out.

Education is great and it keeps Rip Salsa eating fish taco's on whole wheat tortillias, but Rip attended and graduated from the College of the Holy Cross and had to take a Chemistry of Food class, Rip Knows.

Guys in their car eating before a sales call he doesn't care, he shouldn't because the stress of not selling enough will cause his heart to explode anyway.

The guy that decides to kill himself while checking out Watchmen won't care either.

Give up on the calorie counting Canada and just give into our fat ass way of doing things.

ARTICLE

Shirtless Dad's Flock to BK after latest Gem

Targeting the 30 year old crowd who enjoys the sponge bob kid's meal?

Droves of Shirtless Dad's singing this song as they reward their new girlfriend's kid with a cheeseburger and fries with the promise of not coming into the bedroom later that evening.

After five years of milking the Subservient Chicken and getting used to the creepy headed BK guy and that dude that used to go by HOOTIE now singing country music for real.  The luster of the cute chicken is lessened.  Hell PETA can't even get any run off the King anymore.  I don't blame Rob for turning his back on BK money for the Golden Ticket of MS, Rip Salsa would too.  Rip needs a golden ticket to pay off the Los Angeles water bill for my new office water fountain.

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

Gil Scott talked the walk

Some days you just don't have a lot to say.  

Put a little Donny on the Ipod and just listen.  Donny out the window

Moron's v. Crispin Porter and Bogusky

What happens when a Moron tries to sit at the CP+B 'Cool Table'?  You always look foolish.

What happens when you try to smack CP+B in your article? You always look foolish.

What happens when you call yourself G Man Marketing? You always look foolish.

What happens if you get arrested from drinking 40's while driving a school bus? You look like Rip.

Rip Salsa never tries to explain logically why I think some things are lame and others things are cool.  If your a fan of Football you may think every single person knows who the tight end of the Redskin's is.  Ask your mom who the tight end is for the Redskins she may say John Elway.

Geeks who try to bash CP+B for using Mac Computers to make the Microsoft ads are just geeks and forget that Mom's don't care, Mom's will just think Lauren is cute.   Who cares if Mac still gets the 'Hard Core', my computer will help me get laid crowd.  Rip Salsa has a Mac for that reason too and so does his Mom. Rip Salsa also has two refrigerators, one with meat in it and one with no meat, so I can get laid by some hot vegetarians.

Looking through my 11,000 Google Alerts I spotted an article about Microsoft that someone named SCOTT G? What are you a rapper from the 90's?   Anyway he tries to bash CP+B for not knowing anything and what happened to advertising and he just screams....

"You Kids Get Off My Lawn."

Rip Salsa hasn't slept, coming off a Vitamin K binge and ended up taking a 11 PM train to San Juan Capistrano only to lose money betting the Duck Fighting last night. Riding the Greyhound bus back to Los Feliz Blvd sucks, thank God for my wireless card.

I asked the Bum sitting next to me if he knew who the Tight End for the Redskins is?  

"BlahhFFFuchk Yu".  Nope.   

SCOTT G ARTICLE

CRAPPY VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Boys Boys Boys.
EveryyyBody
I'm looking for a good time.
Middle of the road steak house bar music

Amazing what gets you partner at W&K. Create the most boring Commercial perhaps?

Rip Salsa isn't saying being a science geek is the way to the top but it sure seems to be at Wieden & Kennedy. Those dudes added two partners and...wait...wait...this was the first time they were not from the Portland Oregon office but from the equally miserable weather destination of London. Danny W did say

“Brand advertising creates non provocative relationships with customers. It highly speaks of ethics and core values of companies. Advertising is really not about you or your business. It is about people coming in and living up their creative potential completely.”

Way to go! Let me watch this below video it's the melatonin of ads

Wieden+Kennedy names two new partners

County probes funeral home that cremated wrong body

Great quote from the article

“It’s beyond me how you could mix up a male and a female,” he said.

It isn't all that uncommon.

Here is a WDCSD list of mixing up a male and female

1. Pregnant Man

2. Eddie Murphy

3. Brett Rattner

4. Rosie

The list could go on.

ARTICLE

60 Foot Weenie... Really

Apparently in Europe a 'phallus' is a giant drawing of a dick.

I wonder how much Ron charged them to pose?

When You Kill Someone with Your Car-Leave a Note that says "I'm Sorry"

Only in America.

Someone plows over a dude walking along the road and then pins a "I'm sorry I hit you but because I have a family and I don't want to stick around and take blame" note on the dead body. Maybe Drew Barrymore was in town, Halle Berry touring the countryside, Brandy?, Matthew Broderick or maybe it was Laura Bush's ex lover?

There is no truth that he was part of the new Burger King campaign of Sacrificing a friend and get a Whopper, as that was regarding Facebook and not human carnage. We may update this story if the note left at scene involves the sentence "Free Whopper".

ARTICLE

CP+B does a good job with latest PC commercial

I like Lauren.  I like the Whopper Virgins voice over guy too.

Turns out she is an actress and she could most likely afford the Mac but it proves the point that Microsoft, even with it's iron balls isn't going to let Mac just keep kicking them in the nuts.

Good job CD of the Microsoft account who ever you are.

Who doesn't love a good McDonald's shooting?

Another McDonald's shooting.

This shooting involves a sawed off shotgun, drive through, breakfast menu and no deaths.

As Ronald's web of franchises increases so do random shootings involving employees.

The rule for working at McDonald's is to avoid getting shot because McDonald's is likely to find an excuse why you shouldn't get your medical bills paid.  

Steps to avoid getting shot while working at McDonald's.

1. Quit and begin to sell weed to the public.  Both are equally good/bad.

2. Grab your full-time manager, as he/she will have insurance and can afford to get a shotgun blast to the face.

3. Pack heat while working.

4. Expose your penis at work.  This gives you a work story later in life, no one works at McDonald's long enough to recall whether it was you...Really who puts McDonald's on a resume?

5. Quit.

6. Bloody your hand at work like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler.

7. Quit

8. Say "Nice tits Grandma" and see if you get fired. (see #4)

9. Belittle your manager who lives in the same apartment complex as you do.

10. Ask patrons to look up "Pink Sock" on Urban Dictionary and if they don't know what it is be sure to tell them.

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